Beautifully put, thank you for this! I love the Rilke quote especially. And this: "Loving others is about what you put in at least as much as about what you get out. That’s part of why loving others expands us."
I appreciate this piece as it mirrors some of my concerns and gave me a new way to think about SOME of the positives of these "relationships" too. But mostly I worry that people will forget what real give and take looks like. Your point about friction and compromise is spot on.
I think people look for affinity in many places, with pet animals, with inanimate objects, such as antique cars they’ve not only named but grown fond of. If AI offers a smidge of affinity, whether highly programmed or with some actual independence, people will find companionship.
This is super timely! I’m actually starting a post about pets, because we’ve decided, after 18 dogless months, to get a puppy. And I'm seeing some threads that tie to this and other things I've thought/written about. I don't have a ton of direct experience with cats, since I've never lived with one, but your observation that cat relationships are more like human ones makes a lot of sense. I'll keep mulling this over, because I think there's a lot here. Thanks! :)
And I totally agree about that last part: it's a vicious cycle if we start opting out of real life for online life. (I just finished a post yesterday about touch, which ties into this theme too--coming out in a couple of weeks.)
I am seeing some parallels with why most people prefer dogs to cats as pets. Dogs, for the most part, are always in a cheerful mood and happy to see you. They don't ask for much in return for this relationship to continue - they need to be sheltered, walked and fed. Cats, on the other hand, are human like in many ways: in the morning they can be loving and sweet, in the afternoon they could be moody and no longer interested in sitting on your lap when you feel lonely and looking for some love. If a cat is in a particularly bad mood, he might even scratch or bite you... Relationships with cats are more human like, quite a bit more difficult and demanding than the ones with dogs...
Dog friends still provide some degree of inconvenience that you have to deal with in exchange for their cheerful companionship - they need to be walked, washed, fed, taken to a vet etc. AI friends, on the other hand, ask for nothing in return. The more time we spend online, the less time we have to meet and get to know people in real life, the fewer friends we have, the lonelier we become, the more dogs and AI friends we seek...
This is amazing and thoughtful. I think I will assign it if I ever teach Interpersonal Communication again. I have them watch "Her" and argue if the two of them are in a relationship or not. This would give them extra insights to consider. Thank you for all you do and who and how you are!
No, I think that's very related, and especially interesting because it's not about AI as such. As I was writing this piece, I was thinking a lot about therapy bots too. At first, I was kind of against them, because I thought nothing could do as well as a human. And that's largely true, but not entirely. A therapy relationship isn't exactly a two-way street like a friendship is. And if it helps you to have an artificial therapist--including when it's a character from a fandom--and that helps you process something, it actually makes a fair amount of sense. As usual, though, there's such a thing as too much, and people need to be careful. But I no longer dismiss it out of hand that it could be a good thing in some circumstances.
When I was reading this, it had me thinking about fandoms. I'm on the edge of enough of them to recognize at least some superficially similar issues regarding the relationship some people develop with their favorite characters - sometimes to an unhealthy level - but many to the point of working through their own issues using the characters as important players in that processing. I'm not sure where I'm going with this, just that your post sparked the thought that hadn't been there before.
Beautifully put, thank you for this! I love the Rilke quote especially. And this: "Loving others is about what you put in at least as much as about what you get out. That’s part of why loving others expands us."
I appreciate this piece as it mirrors some of my concerns and gave me a new way to think about SOME of the positives of these "relationships" too. But mostly I worry that people will forget what real give and take looks like. Your point about friction and compromise is spot on.
Thank you! :)
I think people look for affinity in many places, with pet animals, with inanimate objects, such as antique cars they’ve not only named but grown fond of. If AI offers a smidge of affinity, whether highly programmed or with some actual independence, people will find companionship.
Very true!
This is super timely! I’m actually starting a post about pets, because we’ve decided, after 18 dogless months, to get a puppy. And I'm seeing some threads that tie to this and other things I've thought/written about. I don't have a ton of direct experience with cats, since I've never lived with one, but your observation that cat relationships are more like human ones makes a lot of sense. I'll keep mulling this over, because I think there's a lot here. Thanks! :)
And I totally agree about that last part: it's a vicious cycle if we start opting out of real life for online life. (I just finished a post yesterday about touch, which ties into this theme too--coming out in a couple of weeks.)
I am seeing some parallels with why most people prefer dogs to cats as pets. Dogs, for the most part, are always in a cheerful mood and happy to see you. They don't ask for much in return for this relationship to continue - they need to be sheltered, walked and fed. Cats, on the other hand, are human like in many ways: in the morning they can be loving and sweet, in the afternoon they could be moody and no longer interested in sitting on your lap when you feel lonely and looking for some love. If a cat is in a particularly bad mood, he might even scratch or bite you... Relationships with cats are more human like, quite a bit more difficult and demanding than the ones with dogs...
Dog friends still provide some degree of inconvenience that you have to deal with in exchange for their cheerful companionship - they need to be walked, washed, fed, taken to a vet etc. AI friends, on the other hand, ask for nothing in return. The more time we spend online, the less time we have to meet and get to know people in real life, the fewer friends we have, the lonelier we become, the more dogs and AI friends we seek...
<3 <3 <3 Thank you!
This is amazing and thoughtful. I think I will assign it if I ever teach Interpersonal Communication again. I have them watch "Her" and argue if the two of them are in a relationship or not. This would give them extra insights to consider. Thank you for all you do and who and how you are!
No, I think that's very related, and especially interesting because it's not about AI as such. As I was writing this piece, I was thinking a lot about therapy bots too. At first, I was kind of against them, because I thought nothing could do as well as a human. And that's largely true, but not entirely. A therapy relationship isn't exactly a two-way street like a friendship is. And if it helps you to have an artificial therapist--including when it's a character from a fandom--and that helps you process something, it actually makes a fair amount of sense. As usual, though, there's such a thing as too much, and people need to be careful. But I no longer dismiss it out of hand that it could be a good thing in some circumstances.
When I was reading this, it had me thinking about fandoms. I'm on the edge of enough of them to recognize at least some superficially similar issues regarding the relationship some people develop with their favorite characters - sometimes to an unhealthy level - but many to the point of working through their own issues using the characters as important players in that processing. I'm not sure where I'm going with this, just that your post sparked the thought that hadn't been there before.